Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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