Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
