apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
