i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Screwed.edu
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
