she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
