U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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