please come you make the beer taste better
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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