SEEEEXXX PLEASE
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
