i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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