The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
