okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
