If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
