What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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