If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
