and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
