And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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