I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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