someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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