and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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