I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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