I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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