I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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