I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
