Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
