Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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