Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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