we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
