I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
