My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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