I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
