i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
