when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
