shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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