new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
