it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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