Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
