people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Someone signed my nipple.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
