Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
