I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
