There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
