i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
