Already got asked if we're dating
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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