Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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