a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
