hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
