Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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