What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
