The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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