This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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