I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
