i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
