well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
