Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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