i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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