HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
