and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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