I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
